Marshallland

Do you miss me Dad?

2011-11-16T19:49:00.000-08:00

Some years are easier than others when November 16^th comes around. This year is on the harder side of things. So many times in the last 13 years I have wanted to get advice from, share thoughts with, complain to, or rejoice with my father and yet I literally cannot. I have to admit that I believe that my life would be easier if my dad were still around. Even still emotions are filled with the dark clouds of loss that occasionally brake to release tears of anguish.

Due to a couple of recent conversations that I have had, there has been reason to wonder if these feelings are one sided. Do I miss and long to be with you without those feelings reciprocated? Do I wish that my wife and children could have had the opportunity to associate with you, without an equal desire on your part? When I struggle with decisions I need to make or long for the warm embrace that seemingly only you could render in the manner that instills peace, do you turn away? Or are you not even aware of me? Do you miss me like I you?

In The Book of Mormon the prophet Alma thought, “the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness . . . where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care and sorrow.” Is missing someone the sorrow, care or trouble spoken of here? Would the wish to interact with those still enduring a probationary state?

Brigham Young once said, “I have been near enough to understand eternity so that I have had to exercise a great deal more faith to desire to live than I have ever exercised in my whole life. The brightness and glory of the next apartment is inexpressible . . . Here, we are continually troubled with ills and ailments of various kinds. In the spirit world we are free from all this and enjoy life, glory, and intelligence.”

Jedediah M. Grant describe his feelings of the spirit world that he experienced by reflecting how he felt extremely sorrowful at having to leave so beautiful a place and come back to earth, for he looked upon his body with loathing, but was obliged to enter it again.

So, Dad, are you in a place so wonderful that you have lost the care you once had for me, your wife and other children/grandchildren? Is that place so much better than here that we are not a focus of concern at all? Is it so awesome that it has overwhelmed your sense of being a father, husband or even friend? So incredible that, we are like a dream that, while it was nice to experience, is over and not important enough to concern yourself with the well-being of those you love and who love you and the emotional connection that you created with those left behind? Dad, have you changed?

Dad, have you changed? That same Alma taught, “(the) same spirit which doth possess your bodies at the time that ye go out of this life, that same spirit will have power to possess your body in that eternal world.” But Dad, you were the most loving man I have ever known. You wouldn’t willingly let someone suffer and not render aid and comfort, let alone someone you loved. Remember when I made that dry-ice bomb at school and got arrested? You came and visited me. Did you know that Mom told me what happened when you got home, without me? She said you walked in, with a crushed countenance, shoulders weighed down and as you said; “They wouldn’t let me have my boy.” you began to cry. I remember Dad. Do you? Or does that not matter now?

Maybe it is that you are in some distant place, so far in the universe that you can’t concern yourself with us because you don’t know how we are doing, and as a method of higher thinking, know that all will be well in the end, which has freed you from care and sorrow. But that isn’t true is it? You are close in fact, you are “close by,” as Ezra Taft Benson taught. To be more specific, Joseph F. Smith said; “I believe we move and have our being in the presence of heavenly messengers and of heavenly beings. We are not separate from them. . . .Therefore, I claim that we live in their presence” Brigham Young taught that the world of spirits is “right here” speaking of the earth we inhabit.

So you are who you were, that hasn’t changed. You are close by, maybe you just simply cannot see us, as we can’t see you. Again, that is wrong. To continue with Joseph F. Smith’s teaching, the next three words he said were; “they see us.” So you are the same person, are close by and can even see me. Why are you not troubled with the hard times that I go through? Why don’t you care for my well-being? Why aren’t you sorrowful when I am down or am full of sorrow myself, or just plain miss you? MAYBE I AM MISSING SOMETHING!

Do I really think that this is what is meant by Alma? Was he really trying to teach that those in the next realm are free from the godly feelings of a righteous man for his family and friends? These feelings that you possessed and expressed so eloquently while alive. Or are these worries and concerns that you are freed from the worries of the natural fallen man? When Lehi partook of the fruit of the tree of life, did he not then look for his family? Is it that you are freed from how to provide for yourself, freed from the need to sustain and nourish a temporal tabernacle of flesh and blood? Freed from the worry of physical pain and limitations? I could go on about what I think Alma really meant by being in a state of happiness, but I would rather share what I know to be true concerning what he didn’t mean.

Let me start by giving you the complete quote from Joseph F. Smith. “I believe we move and have our being in the presence of heavenly messengers and of heavenly beings. We are not separate from them. . . . Therefore, I claim that we live in their presence, they see us, they are solicitous for our welfare, they love us now more than ever.”

Love would cause you to care about me, would cause you to want the best for me, and would cause you to mourn with me. Let me continue.

Parley P. Pratt said “Such beings are we, when we have laid off this outward tabernacle of flesh. We are in every way interested, in our relationships, kindred ties, sympathies, affections, and hopes, as if we had continued to live, but had stepped aside, and were experiencing the loneliness of absence for a season. Our ancestors, our posterity, to the remotest ages of antiquity, or of future time, are all brought within the circle of our sphere of joys, sorrows, interests, or expectations.”

George Albert Smith said; “Think of the devotion and the faithfulness of those who day after day go into these temples and officiate for those who have passed to the other side; and know this, that those who are on the other side are just as anxious about us. They are praying for us and for our success. They are pleading, in their own way, for their descendants, for their posterity who live upon the earth.”

Before Oscar McConkie, Bruce R. McConkie’s father died, he called his family together and told them, “I am going to die. When I die I shall not cease to love you. I shall not cease to pray for you. I shall not cease to labor in your behalf.”

Joseph F. Smith said; “For now they (those in the spirit world) see the dangers that beset us; they can comprehend, better than before, the weaknesses that are liable to mislead us into dark and forbidden paths. They see the temptations and evils that beset us in life, and the proneness of mortal beings to yield to temptation and wrong doing; hence their solicitude for us and their love for us and their desire for our well being must be greater than that which we feel for ourselves.”

Dad, you passed away before I went on a mission, but when I was a missionary I was free “from all (my) troubles and from all care and sorrow.” Not because I didn’t miss you, or Mom, or the family and my close friends. Not because I wasn’t worried at times about things that those I love were doing. Even something as menial as Cheerio sustaining injuries for getting hit by a car caused me to cry and be sad. Yet I was free from the burden of this life, which you are now.

I know you know how difficult it has been for me these last few years. I know that you have cried alongside me. I know that you pray and make every effort you can for your family. I know that when God permits, you are as close as you have ever been to me and your family, regardless if I can see, hear or feel you. I know that you would love for my children and wife to know you as you know them. I know that you would love to give me the advice that I desire. I know you miss me. I know you love me.

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream!

2011-08-22T21:07:00.000-07:00

Traditionally, I have been told that it is difficult to shop for me, during birthdays, Christmas etc. Some have told me that it is because I am “hard to please.” Maybe that is one way to define it, but I like to think that it is more that I am a bit practical more often than not. What I mean is that I have a hard time getting a new pair of shoes for example, if my shoes are still in decent condition. So while I am thankful for gifts, I often times would rather money be saved. So having said this, I can completely understand the notion of being hard to please. To remedy this, Sonya and I have been trying to give one “big gift” that is considered our gift for the entire year of gift giving. Last year, I got a piano. This year I have had a gift in mind, but haven’t been able to justify it = hard to please right? Hardly! Sonya, for Father’s Day, surprised me with one of the best gifts that I have ever received. It is something that I have wanted for a long time, but couldn’t seem to justify it either.

An ice cream maker. I love ice cream! Funny thing is that my favorite is the simple flavor of vanilla bean. Every Sunday, including Father’s Day, that I have had the ice cream maker, I have made ice cream for friends and family.

This past Sunday I made Vanilla with Butterfinger mixed in.

I enjoy watching the ice cream forming in the maker.

Sonya got me this ice cream scoop to go along with my gift. Orange, as many know, is my favorite color.

Oh and did I mention that, Noah and Lyla love the treats that my little treat gives them each Sunday!

Moroni Where Are You?

2011-08-11T23:51:00.000-07:00

When he was just 25 years old he was made the chief capitan over his people, the Nephites. He immediately went to work defending his people against the Lamanites, their constant enemy. One of the things that allowed him to find victory was his endless preparations! His soldiers always had the most current armor and weaponry. The cities that he was defending were being fortified and strengthened constantly. When a battle would happen and a city would be weakened, or if a weakness was exposed by a battle, Moroni would immediately make the needed repairs and added strengths. Moroni was the chief capitan for approximately 16 years and then handed over his position to his son, he died 4 years after.

Moroni dedicated his life to defending his people and their rights. While fulfilling his duty there came a time when he felt that those who governed the land were neglecting their responsibilities. He had written a letter discussing his concerns to Pahoran, the “chief judge.” To his first letter there was no response. So Moroni wrote a second letter that was more aggressive. Although he directed his letter to the wrong person, there was a guilty party. They called themselves “king-men.” The king-men wanted to destroy the liberty of the people and replace the government with a king. With this in mind, they had run Pahoran out of his position and taken control of the central city, withholding the proper supplies and additional troops needed to continue to defend their land. This is why Moroni had written the letter.

So what did Moroni do? Did he wait around to see how the government would take shape? Did he quit? Did he continue to fight until finally defeated? No, he took a small group of soldiers and left the rest of his troops to the command of his leading officers. He took with him his flag that he had made earlier, that was called “The Title of Liberty.” He created it from his clothes. It read; “In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children.”

He carried that with him as he rode from town to town on his way back to the central city. On his way others joined him to defend the standard that was given on “The Title of Liberty.” He joined with Pahoran and traveled to the central city and a battle insured, in which the leader of the king-men was killed. The rebel survivors were arrested and tried. Once the king-men were out, Moroni and Pahoran sent the much needed supplies and troops to those Moroni had left behind. Shortly after, peace was established and Moroni retired.

So why am I bringing this up? Well, because I look at our wonderful country which is a country that was created according to the will and power of God and think to myself, “We have king-men in our central city.” To me, I see our rights, that if boiled down to its simplest form would be the words that Moroni wrote on his clothes, getting destroyed, minimized and restricted.

Here are some of the words that Moroni wrote to Pahoran; “we desire to know the cause of this exceedingly great neglect, we desire to know the cause of your thoughtless state. Can you think to sit upon your thrones in a state of thoughtless stupor… And now, my beloved brethren—for ye ought to be beloved; yea, and ye ought to have stirred yourselves more diligently for the welfare and the freedom of this people; but behold, ye have neglected them insomuch that the blood of thousands shall come upon your heads for vengeance; yea, for known unto God were all their cries, and all their sufferings.”

The Armed Forces take an enlistment oath. The oath states; “I, (NAME), do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic.”

Not all enemies are using arms such as missiles, guns, tanks, etc. Some enemies use authority and position to give themselves more power and control. The king-men in Moroni’s time did not use weapons to take control; they used status and authority to gain control and to become the enemy. They were a domestic enemy that was causing the nation to fall to their foreign enemies. I think it is time to change the power and authority that have been created by the king-men in our day. Moroni where are you?

I Believe!

2011-06-03T16:48:00.000-07:00

I have only written a few blogs. But today I feel like expressing my feelings about the Mormon Church. This morning I was studying in the New Testament. I got caught up on a few verses and spent more time than I had allocated to study on those verses alone. I began looking for information in the traditional Mormon places; LDS.org, BYU religion class textbooks and manuals, and other various books. Still unsatisfied, I decided to look on the internet for any insights I could find from perhaps none LDS (Latter-day Saint) sources. Interestingly, I ended up on what are considered anti-Mormon websites. This is nothing particularly new to me. I don’t frequent websites that are anti-anyone, but occasionally I will come across anti-Mormon sites and spend a bit of time searching and reading them.

I am particularly interested, when on these sites, in the stories of individuals who were members of the LDS church and decided to no longer affiliate themselves with the church. I have noticed a variety of patterns for deciding to no longer be part of the Mormons. Many finding supposed fault in leadership, doctrine, history, or the like. Many of these so-called “ex-Mormons” express such feeling of liberation and relief for having withdrawn their name from church records and involvement. Before I continue, I would like to speak frankly that it is not my position to judge anyone one chooses to believe and dedicate them self to what they believe to be true. This is even true within the LDS doctrine according to Article of Faith #11 which states that; “We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.” So with that in mind, I do not condemn nor judge those who choose to believe differently than I do, and ask that you will extend that same respect toward me. As I share with you what I know to be true and how I have come to this point.

I was born into a Mormon family and have continued and will continue in that faith, come what may! It has not been without difficulty or disappointment. I have had things said and done to me and my family that were uncalled for, to say the very least. I have been confronted with all manner of arguments to refute the doctrine, history and leadership of the church. I have been challenged as to the churches so-called “political” stances. I have been mocked, spit on and threatened for my beliefs, and not just as a missionary. I have “sacrificed” my time, talents, and means for the church's behalf. Some of the greatest pains in my life have come, whether directly or indirectly, due to my involvement with the Mormon Church. Spit in my face, threaten my life, mock and ridicule me. I will not deny or even express doubt for what I know to be true! Here’s why, as best as I can express in these forum.

To start, is my knowledge of the prophet Joseph Smith. To some this is one of the easiest parts of Mormon history to expose. To me it is laughable and even pathetic the attempts that are made to “expose the con-man.” I will not give any specific claim or point of dispute, what I will do is say that Joseph Smith was a man. A man like unto Moses, Adam, Peter, or any of the other prophets of God. Joseph Smith was a man, a man of God. He was not perfect; he had his faults, just like these other men. He gave everything to the Lord, including his own life! I challenge any of you who are struggling in your testimony of, or your investigation of the prophet Joseph Smith to keep in mind that propaganda, slander, and false testimonies/accusations were as real then as they are today. But more than that, judge him according to his works.

One of the other major reasons for my faith and claim on the Mormon Church is a work of Joseph Smith, namely the Book of Mormon. Instead of my words, I will share with you the words of Jeffery R. Holland, a member of the LDS church’s quorum of the twelve apostles.

My faith is multi-faceted; however, I would like to focus on only one last item. That is that I know the church to be true according to the “tender mercies” of God. Let man conjure in the mind and heart what they will. I have had, at times, inexpressible confirmations of my faith. Simple things from “aha” moments to moments so special that I have only shared them with maybe two or three persons. These specific, special, intimate expressions of God’s love have brought me to a point to which I can stand confident before man and God in a clear and precise declaration of my faith.

I know that Jesus Christ is the son of our Almighty God. I know that he accomplished all that is necessary for the rest of God’s children, to enjoy the same privileges and blessings that He receives. I know that the institution that holds the authority of God, was once again setup through the prophet Joseph Smith and that that establishment continues today as the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. God, in his mercy has given the Book of Mormon as a second witness to the divinity and mission of his Son. I would challenge all that wonder to turn to God, your Heavenly Father to know concerning truth. Man’s truth is relative at best. Seek truth from Him from whom truth resonates. Understand that doubt is overcome by knowledge. Seek understanding and you will find it. Know however that God requires all, Job, Peter and all the ancient apostles, Moses, Joseph Smith and millions of unnamed servants have realized that and have not been found wanting.

I am not a “special witness” but I am firm enough in my testimony and knowledge that I will use Bruce R. McConkie’s testimony to sum up my feeling. Enjoy…

love.these.guys.

2011-04-03T15:14:00.000-07:00

i just love these cute faces. can't get enough. how about you?

four.

2011-04-03T14:39:00.001-07:00

Times flies by so fast. i can't believe my little guy is 4! this lucky young man got TWO parties this year! One to celebrate with his best friend, Makayla and another with his family! With so many people who love this little guy, both parties were bustin' with fun! thanks to all those who celebrated with us and made this time special for Noah!

peace.love.joy.2010.

2011-04-03T14:27:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas.

xoxo,

the marshall family

loren.sonya.noah.lyla

peter and tinker.

2011-04-03T14:21:00.001-07:00

halloween 2010.

thanksgiving point @ cornbellys.

cutest. kids. ever.

two.

2010-10-24T23:42:00.000-07:00

our little lady is two. i am amazed how time flies. it seems like we were just bringing her home from the hospital. i love this blue eyed angel so much. she is constantly keeping us on toes. one minute sweet, the next fiesty, then crazy... she loves to give kisses, when she isn't being shy, she is TALKATIVE and learning new words everyday. she loves her brother and tries to do everything he does. she is the epitome of girl - loves jewelry, shoes, and baby dolls. she fluffs her hair when she knows she's dressed up and beautiful. and she is EMOTIONAL. watch out, she doesn't take crap from anyone and she is not afraid to tackle (thanks, loren). she loves to sing and watch out for her dance moves!

we got family and friends together to celebrate with us. loren was the master chef and, of course, made the best barbacoa burritos with all the fixin's. i was in charge of the baking and went a little overboard with all the sweets. we had the byu game going on (that's why eveyone was in blue!) and tons of kids running around! it was so much fun and lyla had a ball - especially when it came time for presents... this lady scored with 5 new dolls (one that is bigger than her - thanks, grandma!), a beautiful bracelet, a recorder (that now has a permant place on top of the fridge out of reach of both kids, thanks kelley fam - we are coming up with some great presents for your next party!) a pillow pet that she sleeps with every night and so many other great things. this girl was in heaven! thanks to everyone who came!

ice cream.

2010-10-24T23:40:00.000-07:00

it's a miracle.

2010-10-24T23:10:00.000-07:00

i know. when i first started this blog, my goal was to update it monthly. ummmm...to say i've been slacking is an understatement. so, now i have 4 months to catch up on. there has been so much change this summer! we made a big move to utah and we are loving it! our street is amazing with tons of kids to play with and great neighbors everywhere. at night, if we need to get the kids out, we just open the front door and see whats going on outside. i love the area we are in. i have never been a fan of living in utah and wasn't really sure how it would be. i grew up in texas where being a member of the church was fiercely frowned upon and i was one of the only few in my high school. i loved that and knew that I was setting an example and was definitely being watched. high school was such a memorable time for me because it challenged and helped strengthen my testimony. we actually threw out the idea of moving back to texas instead of utah because loren loves it so much. we both loved texas - the southern hospitality, the good family values, the conservative nature - it would be a great place to raise a family. BUT it is too far away from our west coast family. keeping all those things in mind that we liked about texas, we threw around around other places. nothing seemed to fit and feel right until we came to visit some good friends in utah and something about this area felt right to both us. i know we will have issues with utah like any place, but i feel like this is a great place for us and our children right now. it is different being surrounded by members, but also very refreshing in a way. we love our ward and the neighborhood. we get to see family a lot more - loren has been loving all that utah has to offer right now - fishing and shooting with kyle, byu football games, dinners with friends and family - now if we can get his business off the ground - it would be perfect.

it's football season and loren has wasted no time in teaching the kids how to tackle and who to cheer for...

noah's first day of preschool.

he was so excited! i teach a joy school with 6 other moms and it works out perfectly. i teach every sixth week and we rotate houses. they are such a cute group of kids and love to work together. noah loves it!

one of our favorite places here in lehi is right across the highway from us, thanksgiving point. it has a ton of fun places and activities for the family. the gardens hosts a family night each monday that includes many different activities for the family. and there is the dinosaur museum that noah and lya loved. we still haven't done everything over there. so much fun.

my family got together for a reunion in june at warms springs, nevada. we got see family that we haven't seen in a while. it was great! good food, good family, good times...

then warm springs burned down a week later :(

Utah...

2010-07-17T23:11:00.000-07:00

Utah, Utah! If I would have been asked at almost any time in my life if I thought that Utah was the place I would settle and raise my kids, I would have most likely chuckled and assuredly denied the idea. In fact when on my mission and in school in Texas, most assumed I was from Utah. I firmly informed those inquiring of their error. Not that I had anything against Utah. I loved my brief time at BYU and from time to time remind Sonya that, if it weren't for her I would have continued there.
As time drew close to an end in Chiropractic College I just figured that I would be going to California and working with my brother. So that's what we did. There are many songs, stories and movies about the greatness of California. Sonya and I tried to make California fit. Maybe it's the Texas in my wife and me. Maybe it's something else. But it seemed that no matter what we did something just did not feel right. Despite being close to family, close to attractions such as the beach and Disneyland, having a great opportunity at my brother's clinic and making some good friends.
Sonya and I tossed around the idea of returning to Las Vegas for a little while, even to the point that I got my license in the state. Doors seemed to be opening left and right. But at the end of the day that too just didn't feel right. I know, I know, I seem to be going a lot based on feels. I have done pros and cons assessments and other evaluations of the possibilities as well.
Now we are in Utah. I don't have my license to practice yet. I don't know exactly my plan for working. Honestly, I am as scared as I have ever been. I doubt my decision constantly. I wonder if the Lord is on my side. I wonder how it will end up. I hope that my desert will "blossom like a rose" and that truly "this is the place," for me and my family!

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-08T21:10:00.000-07:00

There are three women in my life that mean the world to me; my wife, my daughter and my mom. I have always struggled in the way that I treated/treat my mother. There is an Elvis song called “Always on My Mind.” The first few lines are;

“Maybe I didn't treat you
Quite as good as I should have
Maybe I didn't love you
Quite as often as I could have
Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time”

Once when talking about this song my mom said, “Oh poor Elvis”. Sadly this song reminds me to try to treat my mom better than I did growing up, and try to be more of who I should be toward her now. The last thing that my Dad said to me was, “One day you will regret the way you treated me.” I cannot have that with my mother, and that simple song reminds me of that.

During the lowest times in my life my mom has always been there. “Jokingly” my mother has said that she will earn her crown in heaven solely because she is my mother. Sadly, that is probably true. If not it should be. I have probably put my mother through more than the rest of her kids combined. Mom, thank you and I love you for all that you have done and continue to do for me.

Sonya, the love of my life! At our wedding luncheon my brother Tyson asked, “How in the world did Loren get Sonya?” I still don’t know. Better yet, I don’t know how we are still married. I am a lucky guy! There are so many things that Sonya is not only good at but excels at. Most important, to me, is being a mother. I learn so much by the way Sonya is with the kids. How to be gentler, more loving, more respecting, more patient, more giving, more self-sacrificing, I could go on and on. Noah and Lyla love their mother so much not just inherently, but because of how she is with them.

Besides being a great mother, I couldn’t imagine a better wife. My life is simpler, runs more smoothly and is just flat out better for having married Sonya. It was the best decision of my life. Like my mom, Sonya will receive her crown, if for nothing else, because she is my wife. I love you will all my heart Sonya!

In my LDS faith, a husband and wife are not just married for time, but they are given the blessing to possibly be sealed for time and eternity, forever. This sealing is conditional. It must be sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise, and both the husband and the wife must want it to continue forever. The first part is dependent upon worthiness. The second is more of the way we interact together. I am still striving to be confident on both accounts. No goal is higher in my mind and heart than to be worthy of Sonya, both in her eyes and in God’s.

Next to my little Lyla Ryan, oh how I love her! She is still so young and we will hopefully have many more memories to make. But there couldn’t be a cuter little girl. Everything about her is perfect! She is always so bubbly, except when she is throwing her fits. But somehow you even make those adorable. The relationships with my mom and Sonya have helped me to understand the values that I wish to instill in her. I want to teach her that she is a daughter of our Heavenly Father, that she has a value greater than the world can offer. I want to help her understand the sacred nature of being a mother. Hopefully more of Sonya and my mom can rub off on Lyla and less of me. I love you Little Lyla Lady.

I truly have been blessed with magnificent women in my life. These three have been instrumental in softening my heart and knocking off rough edges to become smooth. I am becoming each day more and more the person I need to be and it is greatly attributed to them. Happy Mother’s Day to the mother of my children, to my mother, and to my daughter, a future mother, I love you all.

in the month of feb, march, april...

2010-05-06T22:59:00.000-07:00

time to dust off our poor, neglected blog and try to catch up over the last few months. i can't believe that it is already may! where has the year gone and where has my camera been? we have been keeping busy around here with noah and lyla constantly keeping us on our toes, loren working the streets to bring in patients and my shop still thriving after the busy christmas holiday - whew!! no wonder our blog has dropped a few notches on my priority list! the winter snows have passed, i think (cross my fingers) and we are excited to start enjoying the outdoors this summer. the mountain weather decided to skip spring this year - with all the snow, we have been able utilize snow valley all the way until the end of april! nice to be on a snowboard again but i think we are all ready for the boat - especially noah! our little cuties just keep growing and getting cuter by the second. sometimes, i wish i could freeze time when noah gives me "tiny kisses" to wake me up in the morning or when lyla throws her head back when she laughs with glee! i love it! i love them! i realize i haven't taken that many pictures lately. i will have to remedy that! but for now, here are few randoms...

easter family pic take no. 1

easter family pic take no. 37

i love this little pouty lip...

and this killer smile...

lyla's first big haircut

really??? look at this doll face. can they get any cuter??

and of course, can't leave our four-legged family members out!
little quicy q and bentley

one . two . THREE .

2010-02-03T23:52:00.000-08:00

Noah turned 3 on January 31 and he was so excited! This little guy is awesome. We have loved watching him learn and grow! He is constantly amazing us and making us laugh! Today, I let him watch a Little Einstein's episode and he ran up to me, arms WIIIIIDE open, jumped in my lap and said "mom, you're the best. i love you." and I wish I could have captured the sweet little smile on face which came right before he kissed me on my cheek. Then, he jumped on the couch as he sang along with opening song and excitedly clapped with the beat. It was priceless. This is an everyday thing...it doesn't take much to get this kid excited. He is sweet, compassionate, spunky, a GREAT big brother, silly and the best word to describe him is happy.
love you, little guy!

the holidays.

2010-01-02T12:13:00.000-08:00

i am little behind so i have to lump the end of november and december into one post! we have had so much fun!
we ended november with thanksgiving at our house with an "agenda"! {think Dan in Real life without the fighthing and cheating-except maybe from the guys on the kitchen clean-up crossword puzzle!!} it was so much fun to have MOST of the family here under one roof! {thank goodness for this montrous house!}
i need to direct you to the Vidal Family Blog for the complete weekend update - thanks to the best blogger ever, sarah! here are a few random photos, i found on my camera...

...........................................................................................................

then, it was time to get ready for christmas.

i spent most of my days {and late nights} working on holiday cards for everyone else, that ours was a last minute thought. a quick impromptu photo shoot led to some very cute pictures from our doll faces!

we packed up and headed to vegas to spend christmas with the family there. it was so much fun for the kids to be with their cousins. as always, we get out the angel costumes and shepherd gear to reinact the nativity. aren't these the cutest little mary, joseph and little angels you ever have seen?!

then, of course, christmas morning came and the HOURS of opening gifts. even though tyson's,tad's, and the harris families weren't with us this year, it still seemed to take just as long! the kids were ecstatic about their gifts... hopefully they will help to get them off our iphones!

noah got some swords, a buzz light year, a tricycle, books, etc...so many cool presents from grandmas!! thank you!

lyla got the coolest gift from megan - it's called a bilibo...
she loves it! she also loves her baby doll! a little mother in the making!

and finally, came our family christmas gift...
this one was a little harder to keep a surprise. but we did somehow and on christmas morning, when all the presents were opened, we brought out the last gift wrapped in red with a bow on top...

i am so sad - we had the cutest picture of noah opening the box to reveal the newest little member of our family, but i lost half of my pictures somehow!! i wish you could have seen the look on this little guys face when quincy noel's little head popped out of the box!
the BEST christmas present EVER! sunday after church, we tried snapping a few family pics - got some cute ones, but of course, lost them! i just love the ones of the noah and quincy. he loves her and calls her his dog! she is so fun! it took her a day or two to warm up, but now this little smarty follows us around with a cute little hop in her step. we have a very soft spot in our hearts for cocker spaniels and she reminds me of our little cheerio. So smart and cuddly - the best christmas present!

We have been so blessed this year and are so lucky to have such a wonderful family. I love this time of year and the reminders everywhere of all that our Heavenly Father has given us. We hope that this year has been filled with good memories and pray that next year brings even more!
Merry Christmas and Happy 2010!
xoxo

The Sting Of Death.

2009-11-23T20:57:00.001-08:00

I have always been a dog lover. I love animals in general, but dogs have always been a favorite. I always wanted a dog. The first dog that I remember was a Siberian Husky that we called Itch. He didn't last very long, because he would constantly run away and the hassle wasn't worth the reward, so we ended up giving him away. Next we had Luke, a Labrador Retriever. Luke's memory, even though we didn't have him very long either, is special to me for a reason that I will not share at this time, but it is vivid in my mind always. Luke was a Christmas present that eventually ran away. We then had a little dog that we named Rocky, Rocky was a mixed breed that again we only had a short time, because someone took it from our yard. I think it was meant to be a joke, but wasn't very funny even though we hadn't gotten too attached. Then there was Cheerio...

Cheerio was delivered to our home on Easter Sunday of 1997. A wonderful surprise found in a basket as an addition to our family. Little Cheerio was a Cocker Spaniel. Cheerio began as our family dog, but then became my family's dog. All that knew Cheerio seemed to love her even if they weren't "dog people". Cheerio was very well trained, overwhelmingly loving and so eager to please. She also had a sense for the feelings of others. There were times that I would be down and only Cheerio was there to cheer me, or at least be a friend to listen to my complaint.

I will not go into all the things that I will remember about Cheerio, her playing the piano, her crazy hyperness that would surface when the word "walk" would be spoken or the insanely fast rolling over that she would perform in hopes of receiving a doggie treat. When Cheerio was really little, I took her to High School with me to my choir class. Everyone loved her. Especially Sonya. Sonya actually took Cheerio in to live with her while I was at BYU before we were engaged. Sonya formed a very close bond with Cheerio over the last nearly seven years.

Cheerio must have been the best looking dog that existed. She was very smart and loved books, chewing them up that is. Cheerio slept at my feet almost everyday over the last 13 years.

I will miss Cheerio immensely, hearing her little toe nails tap the floor as she walked around, her little bark that was reserved for times of need, her entire backside wagging instead of just her stub of a tail. I know that my son, sooner or later, will ask "Daddy where's Cheerio?" as he commonly does, and that will stir up some emotions, I am sure. My kids love little Cheerio and it pains me that they will not be able to have her be part of their lives.

In the Book Of Mormon there is a verse that reads; "But there is a resurrection, therefore the grave hath no victory, and the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ." Often times this is very misunderstood. Christ overcame both physical and spiritual death and the sting that could have been of eternal loss and utter waste was swallow up. However, the sting and pain of death is less due to understanding the overcoming, but the pain and sting of loss and loneliness, even of a dog, can be the deepest sorrow imaginable. It is written that, "It is natural to feel sorrow at times of death. In fact, mourning is one of the deepest expressions of love. The Lord said, “Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die.”

Tears have been shed and will continue to flow at times by many who knew and loved my little girl, Cheerio. David O McKay has said that he couldn't imagine the Celestial Kingdom without his horse. I share this same sentiment for Cheerio.

Happy Anniversary

2009-11-15T23:02:00.000-08:00

This past weekend I attended a funeral for my mother's Uncle, Gary. I had every intention of blogging about how November has seemed to be the month of sorrows in my life. But as I sat down to make this entry, I put off my selfishness and decided to blog about the 16th of November as a wonderful day.

I was not able to have as much time with my father as others have had with their dads, but in the time I did get, I was able to learn a lot about him and who he was. When my dad was in Elementary School, he and his family moved to Southern California. He was in a class with my mom. My mom told her friends that one day she was going to marry that boy.

Later after my dad had went off into the Army, another boy thought that he would try his hand in dating my mother. The way I heard the story was that when my dad returned home, he chased that boy out of my mom's life with the help of a rifle shooting in the direction of his feet.

My parents were married on November 16th 1968. I cannot recall a time in my life having heard my dad criticize or belittle my mother. Never do I recall him raising his voice in anger toward her. I do remember him always trying to make her happy, feel special and make her burdens light. He would do everything to allow her to be a mother, and work harder than others to allow her to stay home with us kids.

On the 30th anniversary of their wedding, my dad slipped from this life to the next. In the period just after his death I used to have, what I call, nightmares about my mom beginning to date other men and trying to get remarried. Maybe they stemmed for people around me asking if she was dating, or even trying to convince me that it would be best for her to seek companionship. I recall confronting my mother about it once. She reassured me that she had her husband.

You know when someone says,"I love" this or that and then comes the reply "Why don't you marry it?" My mom would always reply, "I am already married." It is true. My mom is sealed for time and all eternity to my dad. She married that boy, and I am forever thankful that my dad treated my mom in such a way that she has been so patient and faithful in waiting to be reunited with her sweetheart.

We, as husbands and fathers, are counseled to live our life in such a way that our families will want to live with us forever. Despite that trials that might have been easier to bare, or the times of complete loneliness that I know my mom feels, my dad lived his life in such a way that she will suffer and be burdened so that she can be with him forever. Mom, dad will always be yours, as will all of your children because you have been faithful.

So despite all the pain of the 16th of November, especially being a Monday morning, I rejoice that I know and have no doubt of any sort that my parents are eternally sealed to each other, and their family will continue from eternity to eternity. God bless November.

eerieeee october.

2009-11-01T23:32:00.001-08:00

october was such a FUN month! we started it off with a visit to las vegas to get one last wakeboarding trip in before the cooler weather set in. while we were there, the kids and I met up with my sister and her boyfriend, glen, at the pumpkin patch! it took all we had to get noah to sit still to take some pictures! he loved everything, but most of all, this train...

he tried this ride once, but then proceeded in the riding the train the rest of the night...

i had to literally carry him off the train to get
him to try other things...

here is a cute picture of my sis and little lyla

it's a miracle...he sat still for a picture!

she loved it!

he takes after his dad, mr. muscles

.......................................
last saturday, our church had it's annual
trunk or treat.
our little skeleton and witch
{aka johnny lawrence and sabrina}

.........................................

then this last week, the harris family came down with cecily and sam and we met up with josh & sarah's and tyson & kari's families and went to the happiest place on earth...
except this kid didn't think so. he threw up in the car on the way there. yep, he was sick and slept in the stroller 80% of the day...our little trooper.

all but a 30 minute nap in the stroller,
lyla loved every minute of it!

noah did get a kick out of the few of the rides,but when we passed by the cars display, he was asleep so loren took some pictures of lightning and mater for him...

it's okay, sam, the teacups will be there next year...

sam, thanking our disneyland guru that he{we} didn't have to wait in any lines...thanks, josh!

finally, at about 8:30, lyla thought it was time to go...

september...

2009-11-01T19:45:00.000-08:00

gotta play catch up for a minute! where did september and october go!! it's already november and i haven't posted our end of the summer activities.so here goes...

september started off with a marshall camping adventure at lake mead. it was so much fun. the activities in las vegas' 100 degree weather were swimming, wakeboarding, eating, night wakeboarding, night swimming, eating, sleeping (a little), swimming, boating, lots of laughing, fishing for cecily, swimming, and swimming. It was pretty hot so most of time was spent coolin' off in the water! fun times...

loren showing off his skills

thanks, sam, for being my personal coach

she's making sure we didn't go hungry

a little night wakeboarding

all cleaned up

.......................................................................................................................

so, it's official...
we have the messiest eaters in the world!

the weather has been so nice up here, that we like to go on walks with the kids...just a short distance from our house, this is the view... it's beautiful. what's not beautiful is pushing this stroller up the hills in our neighborhood! great workout!

one.

2009-10-24T23:15:00.000-07:00

september 30,2009

our little princess

L Y L A r y a n M A R S H A L L

turned one

what a year it has been.  this little thing has got such a huge personality! she loves talking...LOUD! and LOVES her big brother and tries to do everything he does.  put on some tunes, and she starts dancing.  do something that she doesn't like, and she'll let you know!  she throws the best and cutest fits right down to the dropping on the ground and kicking her legs with as much energy as she can!  we l.o.v.e. her so much and are so blessed with her fun, sweet spirit!  
love you, baby girl!

i think noah wanted in on her birthday cake

{waffle bowl filled with her favorite:strawberries topped with whipped cream!}

good to the last bite.

The Lonesome Kicker

2009-10-18T22:38:00.000-07:00

Now, if my iphone were to have a zoom function on it then you would be able to see that, sure enough, that is #99 Riley Stephenson. The truthfulness of the lonesome kicker was never before so obvious to see. I am glad that I was able to witness the solitude of the kicker first hand...Tyson you were there.

Endure...to the end

2009-09-15T19:24:00.000-07:00

"Life is hard... 'There is an opposition in all things,' everywhere, for everyone. Life is hard for all of us." This phrase comes from a recent favorite General Conference address by Elder Lawrence E. Corbridge called "The Way".

Some days life is seemingly unbearable, feeling like I am doing well and progressing toward my goals and then, as though out of nowhere I get blasted by something that causes me to be hurt, feel alone, worthless, not good enough, or a variety of emotions that come from Satan. But too often instead of recognizing the adversary meddling with my life, I allow it to bring me down.

Elder Bruce C. Hafen recently said, in another one of my favorites, "'Endure to the end,' we say, as if that means relaxing in some eternal rocking chair. God will just reel us in, like a fish hooked on a line. But it’s not quite that simple." Enduring is, at times, very hard work. Sometimes it feels that I can't endure any longer. Sometimes I feel like the pioneer that kept telling himself that he could only make it to the next hill and there he must die. Yet every time he arrived to the next hill, he kept going.

My mom loves pioneer stories. I would have to say her favorite and one that I have heard many times from her, is the story of Robert and Ann Parker and their red shawl. But recently I think I have found maybe what can be considered my new favorite pioneer story.

Let me tell you of James Kirkwood. James was from Glasgow, Scotland. On the trip west, James was accompanied by his widowed mother and three brothers, one of whom, Thomas, was 19 and crippled and had to ride in the handcart. James’s primary responsibility on the trek was to care for his little four-year-old brother, Joseph, while his mother and oldest brother, Robert, pulled the cart. As they climbed Rocky Ridge, it was snowing and there was a bitter cold wind blowing. It took the whole company 27 hours to travel 15 miles. When little Joseph became too weary to walk, James, the older brother, had no choice but to carry him. Left behind the main group, James and Joseph made their way slowly to camp. When the two finally arrived at the fireside, James, “having so faithfully carried out his task, collapsed and died from exposure and over-exertion."

Why is this sad story my new favorite? James did all that he was asked to do. He cared for his brother until his very end. He gave all he had to fulfill the task given him. James Kirkwood has become one of my heroes. I hope to be like him and give everything that is required of me to endure to the end.

august rush.

2009-08-31T22:35:00.000-07:00

g e t r e a d y f o r a d o o z y.

it's been a crazy month full of lots of activity! let's see where do i begin. well, loren came back from mexico at the end of june and it has been so nice to have him back with the family. as a welcome home present (well, it makes it sound better but really we just couldn't pass this up) we bought a boat! we decided to go in with tad and tracy with a sweet deal and it has been AWESOME!

w e L O V E i t !

p o o r l i t t l e l y l a .
can't move in her life jacket!

the cutest little captain ever.

then, my mom and sister heather came out to visit from alabama. we filled the week with hollywood, santa monica, the lake, shopping, (whew - got to take a breath.) It as so much fun!
t h a n k s f o r t h e v i s i t . m i s s y o u g u y s :(

and then, drum roll please...

loren GRADUATED from Parker college of chiropractic on August 15th and is now
d r . l o r e n m a r s h a l l !
thanks to all the family who came out to celebrate with us!

AND (the dromroll again please...)

he's a big boy now!

it took a few days & some really cool potty prizes but noah is potty-trained.

h a l l e l u j a h .

loren went out and bought what we like to call "poopie prizes" aka A LOT of thomas the train stuff. last night, noah got his last "poopie prize" so dad and noah built this huge track! i don't know who enjoys building the train tracks more...

a n d l a s t b u t not le a s t ,

part of our preparation for our big camping trip over labor day.
noah and lyla were helping dad put together his new tent!
more to come next month!

to go no more out...

2009-08-30T21:41:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Tyson and Kari's needing a babysitter this past Friday night and us being in San Diego, we were able to have their babysitter also watch Noah and Lyla. This allowed Sonya and I time to go to a movie. We went and saw "The Time Travelers Wife."

It was a decent movie. But the ending made me think. If you haven't seen it and plan to, then perhaps you shouldn't read this post. I will give you a few more words to allow you to decide. Okay... Well near the end of the movie the husband dies, but since he is a time traveler, his younger self was able to go into the future, to four years after his death and visit his widowed wife for a few moments. Now I was thinking about this.Often you hear people say, "What I would give to see (so and so) again." or "I would give anything to be held just one more time." Not me. I don't want just one more minute or one last embrace, just to say goodbye again. All the pain, all the tears and loneliness returning would not be worth just a few moments, to me. It would be as though I were losing that person all over again.

In Alma 34:36 we read; "he has also said that the righteous shall sit down in his kingdom, to go no more out." That is what I want...not just a moment, and for that blessing I would give anything!

the light. the silver lining. whatever you call it ... we're there!

2009-08-14T22:11:00.000-07:00

three years, two moves, two kids, and a whole lot of debt later...

l o r e n h a s d o n e i t ! !

He worked his tail off; studying like crazy to pass with flying colors, begging for patient appointments to getting "regulars" who loved him, doing a little stint in the mexico city clinic to getting poisoned from the water {okay, that wasn't good} but after all the hard work, it is finally paying off! today, he walks across the stage and becomes...

D r . L o r e n C . M a r s h a l l

congrats, babe. i am so proud of you.
xoxxoox

"don’t you realize that Jesus has a whole garage full of bikes?"

2009-08-14T19:49:00.000-07:00

one of the many things i love about loren is that he KNOWS the gospel, inside and out. he studies every morning and likes to engage in gospel discussions. i wish i could keep up. he was an amazing gospel doctrine teacher in texas and if i could have a nickel for every time i heard "your husband is an awesome teacher!" i would be rich. but i am getting rich in different ways that are much more important. another thing that loren does a lot is listen to conference talks - in his car, in the kitchen cooking dinner, at night as we go to sleep...so i have been able to benefit from this habit of his. thus, the title of this post. one of my favorite talks that we often listen to is from the 2007 women' conference, faith, an anchor for the soul by brad wilcox and wendee wilcox.

They talk about how true faith is more than knowing there is a God. It is knowing God's attributes. It is about knowing our relationship with Him and fulfilling His plan for us.

One of the best parts is when brad wilcox says:

"The goal is not just being with God, but being like God. It is common to hear people say, “God loves us and wants us back."But that is only partially right. Christ’s redemption doesn’t just put us back where we were. It makes us better. God loves us so much He doesn’t just want us back.He wants us better."

It makes me think how important everyday of this life is. it helps me remember that there is a greater purpose than the everyday stuff that we do to "get by." it is so much more.

i could probably point out 26 of my favorite parts in this 26 minute talk, but one of the best stories is what i want to share. it is kinda long, but completely worth the few minutes to read....it helps me understand the atonement in a whole new light.

When Brad was serving as the bishop of a BYU ward a young man came to him to
confess. He unloaded everything he had ever done wrong since elementary school. Brad heard what he had never had the courage to tell another bishop, stake president, mission president, or parent. While the sins were not of major proportions, they needed to be confessed and should have been taken care of years earlier. Imagine the young man’s relief and joy as he finally let go of all he had been carrying so needlessly, privately, and personally for so long. Brad prayed and reviewed some scriptures with him. They discussed the role of confession in the repentance process and set goals for the future. When that young man left Brad’s office he almost floated out of the room.

The following Sunday Brad looked for him in church, but didn’t see him. The next week he wasn’t there either. Brad called his apartment and left messages. Finally Brad went over. The young man answered the door, but didn’t invite Brad in. The boy’s countenance was dark and his eyes hollow. His comments were negative and sarcastic, revealing his depressed mood. Brad asked if he could come in and talk with him. The young man said, “Like that will make any difference?” His words were cold and hard. “Just face it, Bishop, the Church isn’t true. No one can even prove there is a God. It’s all just a joke, so don’t waste your time.”

Wow! From floating on air to the pit of despair, and all in a matter of days. Brad’s first reaction was to become angry. He had no call to be so rude. Brad also wanted to defend the truthfulness of the Church and the existence of God, but then he had one of those bishop moments. Instead of raising his voice or quoting scripture, Brad simply said, “You messed up again, didn’t you?”

The young returned missionary’s darkened expression melted and he began to cry. Between sobs he motioned Brad into his empty apartment and they sat together on the couch. The young man said, “Bishop, I’m sorry. I just feel so bad. I finally repented. I was finally clean. I finally put it all behind me. I finally used the Atonement and felt so good. Then I blew it all over again. Now, my former sins have returned and I feel like the worst person in the world.”

“So the Church is true and there is a God after all?” Brad asked.

“Of course,” he said sheepishly.

“So you just need another chance?”

“But that’s the problem. D&C 58:43: ‘By this may ye know if a man repenteth of his sins, behold he will confess them and forsake them.’ I confessed. I didn’t forsake. So I didn’t really repent. It’s over.”

“Tell me about the Savior’s grace then.”

He said, “Oh, you know 2 Nephi 25:23: We are saved by grace ‘after all we can do.’ We do our best and then Christ makes up the difference. But I did that and it didn’t work. I still went out and did the same old dumb thing. I blew it. Nothing changed.”

Brad said, “Hold on. What do you mean Christ makes up the difference? Christ doesn’t just make up the difference. He makes all the difference. He requires us to repent, but not as part of paying justice—only as part of helping us to change.”

The young man said, “I thought it was like buying a bike. I pay all I can and then Jesus pays the rest.”

I said, “I love Brother Robinson’s parable. He has helped us all see that there are two essential parts that must be completed, but I think of it more like this: Jesus already bought the whole bike. The few coins he asks from me are not so much to help pay for the bike, but rather to help me value it and appreciate it.”

The returned missionary said, “Either way, it doesn’t matter since I just crashed the
bike. So much for grace!”

Brad said, “Wait. What do you mean, so much for grace? You think this is just a oneshot deal? Don’t you realize that Jesus has a whole garage full of bikes? Knowing that Christ makes the difference doesn’t mean much unless we also realize how often He does it. The miracle of the Atonement is that He will forgive our sins (plural) and that is not just multiple sins, but also multiple times we commit the same sin.”

Of course we don’t condone sin. Joseph Smith taught clearly that “repentance is a thing that cannot be trifled with everyday.”5 Still, the same Jesus who forgives those who “know not what they do” (Luke 23:24), will also forgive those of us who know exactly what we do and just can’t seem to stop (see Rom. 3:23).

Brad said to the returned missionary, “Christ commanded us to forgive others 70 times 7 times (see Matt. 18:22). And we don’t think He is going to forgive us more than once?”

The young man’s face began to show hints of a smile. “You’re saying there is still hope for me?”

“Now you are beginning to understand grace,” Brad said.

It is nice to know that no matter how many times i crash and burn, there will always be another bike waiting for me. Next time you have a spare minute or 26, wash the dishes, clean up after the kids and listen to this uplifting talk.

http://ce.byu.edu/cw/womensconference/archive/2007/pdf/BradWilcoxandWendeeWilcox-2007.pdf

Sea World San Antonio

2009-08-09T21:58:00.000-07:00

When I was a Scout my troop and I went to see the dolphins at the Mirage Hotel. I was so excited and can vividly remember the experience. I love the majestic ocean life and especially dolphins. I brought with me a camera and snapped photos left and right. Unfortunately I thought that the trip would be over after the underground observation area. I clicked every last shot I had of that 36 exposures film only to find out that after that the Dolphins would be doing a show. I enjoyed the show, but was sad because I had no film left and I wouldn't be getting a photo of the dolphins jumping and doing their tricks.
We were able to go to Sea World San Antonio this summer with some friends. They have an area where you can try and pet the dolphins and at certain time feed them as well. Needless to say we spent a good amount of time around that tank, and when it was feeding time, we were there. One of the many things that I love about Noah is how enthusiastic he is with his excitement. Now when I think of going to see dolphins I do remember burning through the roll too quickly, but I also of Noah excitingly saying "Dad there are the dolphins" and "Touch 'em dad."

the 4th.

2009-07-05T22:43:00.000-07:00

my eyelids are drooping, words slurring in my head, fingers aren't working properly...it has been a looong weekend but i just downloaded all my pictures and am excited to share some of the fun we had! i don't think that we could have packed anything more into this holiday! i spent the week in vegas visiting good friends and family. Then, the marshall mob + my sister all drove back to the mountains thursday just to hop in the car the next morning in route for san diego! the beach was awesome and it was so fun to see tyson, kari, mya and owen! it was noah's and lyla's first beach experience and saying noah loved it is a huge understatement! he ran around the entire time we were there! we packed a lot into one day...good food, beach, and fireworks. then, we headed back to running springs that night and started off saturday with a rhino ride through the mountain trails. it was so fun! then, my sister, sara and i braved the crowds down at lake arrowhead with the kids for the fourth of july celebration and fireworks! noah kept screaming "woah! awesome!" and was so excited he got to see the fireworks again. tad and tracy are the best at hosting huge dinners for the family so tonight was another fun night with good fun and games. as tired as i feel right now, it was so worth it! i just wish loren were here to be a part of all the fun. he took his own little vacation to vera cruz, mexico with a few school friends so i am glad that he was able to have a little fun himself! i have a ton (not as much as sarah and anthony) of pictures so picking just a few share is going to be hard, but i'll try! and then i am going to crash...

ohhh, we just love grandma marshall... she is the BEST.

his shorts couldn't keep up, they only lasted half of the day...

i grabbed noah long enough to attempt a family picture. he lasted .02 seconds...

this is pretty much what noah did pretty much all day...

i just love this cute pic of emmalee! she was the only one i could get to pose for me!

and i thought april was crazy...

2009-06-17T21:53:00.000-07:00

Loren and I were skyping last night and both going down memory lane through our blog and he pointed out that we haven't had any updates for awhile...it's been pretty busy around here!

It has been exactly one month that we packed the big yellow penske with all of our belongings and we kissed Loren goodbye as we headed out west to start our new adventure in California. Thanks to Sam and Cecily, the trip was fun and successful - we made it here in one piece! It has been a whirlwind and there are moments still in the day that I have to pause and remember this little sign that Cecily put on my fridge during the crazy move that says, "Have you tried prayer?" (Yes, I still have the sign up and is my daily sanity reminder!) Moving with a 2 year old, an 8 month old and two dogs without Loren is not something I want to do again! I am so grateful for Loren's family for stepping in and taking on so much! We had a small army of people waiting for us up the mountain at our new home when we pulled up the big penske and the whole truck was unloaded in about an hour! Cecily diligent unpacked almost every box we had within the next three days! (Thank you! I couldn't have made it without you!!) And now a month later, I have the house almost 90% settled and have been having so much fun decorating, painting and making this our home.

Along, with all of this craziness, I have been adjusting to living at 6000ft. Running Springs really is beautiful and makes you appreciate Heavenly Father's creations. I am getting used to the small town living s l o w l y ...it is strange not having mail delivered to our house and I really have to plan my grocery trips! We had some strange June weather last week and I have already experienced driving in the fog...but we moved from Texas just in time as a tornado touched down 2 blocks from our old house just this last week! The new owners sent us crazy pictures of the damage in our neighborhood. Give me fog any day!

Noah is loving playing outside and likes helping me with the yardwork. I think that he is kinda starting to catch on that this is our new house...in the beginning he kept saying, "this is grandma's house." and lyla, well, she's just happy anywhere she can crawl and explore. It is really fun being next to Tad and Tracy and I love being only 3 hours away from family in Vegas (already made one trip and planning the next in a couple of weeks!)

And I miss Loren so much...I thought that I could make it the whole 3 months without him, but I bought his plane ticket this week and he's coming home on the 11th for two weeks! YEAH! I am so excited that he will be able to come see our new home and just be here with the family. Noah misses him like crazy and asks about him all the time. It will feel more like home with him around. There is definitely a huge void in our lives right now and can't wait for it to be filled!

I haven't pulled the camera out a ton since being here, but here are a few pictures I have captured...

This is the BEAUTIFUL view from our bedroom and bath

I painted the dining room - this was the first room to be 100% complete.
More pictures of the house to come...

lyla showing off her standin' skillz in the play area

funny pictures from our vegas trip!

I will definitely post more pictures soon!

farewell to our home

2009-05-03T16:46:00.000-07:00

Well as I sit back watching the Phantom with my boy on this relaxing Sunday afternoon, I find myself thinking about our home. This past Thursday we signed our home over to a nice young couple. Looking around I see many memories. The beautiful flooring takes me back to moving in. Truman and Travis, two of my best friends in the world hooked us up by driving down with us and helping us unload. Not only this, but the night we got here I was pretty sick. Most likely because I had been driving the moving truck and only stopping to get gas and there I would use the restroom to try to make better timing. So the first night, despite absolutely hating any form of medication, I took NyQuil and went to bed about 8:00pm. Good thing NyQuil knocks you out or otherwise I wouldn't have been able to sleep at all. Truman and Travis were tearing out the carpet, linoleum, and wood that was throughout the main living areas. it takes a true friend to do what they did. I can look at some many places and remember good friends and their selfless acts. I look out the back windows and think about the Saturdays that were spent keeping it green and groomed. How nice it was to be able to use the beautiful scenery to host barbecues and get togethers for BYU games or a night of Rock Band.
I think of the sofa that I am comfortably sitting on and remember how it was my bed for a while to not wake up little Lyla by my early alarm. I can see myself with some buddies from school marching around trying to memorize various things. I think of all the sacrifices that Sonya made to help put me through school. The home was seemingly always clean. The children always taken care of and the bills always paid. Not uncommonly marriages fail when one of those involved is in a school like mine. Yet within these walls our marriage was safe.
The rewards from the happiest days of my life where brought back to this home. My son Noah and daughter Lyla. Thankfully this home had room for my mother and Sonya's mother to come and assisted during these glorious experiences. But this home safely watched over these most valued parts of my life. I have seen Noah roll over, crawl, walk and run within the walls of this house. Lyla is following suit but is only to the crawling part. This home has often been filled with the laughter of our happy children.
This home will most definitely be missed. We are ready to move on and begin the next stage of this journey but this home will be part of some of my greatest memories. Of course as I look around this home I remember the hard times, but when this home is locked for the last time by me it will be locked by a family that is together and progressing toward our eternal goal.

the month of april...

2009-04-30T19:31:00.001-07:00

so, it has been a crazy month and i think may is going to follow suit. we are packing, getting ready for our move to california, loren had his 3rd round of board exams (and passed, of course:), we had a fun trip to san antonio with friends, we signed off on our house today :(, loren could probably take his toothbrush and pjs to school since that is his home now, and westwillow has my head spinning... we have had a lot going on and so, a month after our last post, this is going to be a doozy! i sat at the computer for 2 hours downloading the pictures off our camera so get ready...

fort worth zoo

someone is not getting that camera back...

this is for cecily...

my favorite picture of the day...

I came in to find Loren sitting with both of the kids before bedtime...
i don't know how we are going to make it without him while he is mexico for 3 months.

this is a classic "loren" face...

she's a mover
6 months and is starting to crawl and can sit up on her own

easter photo shoot...

stay tune for the may update featuring our move to the mountains!
running springs get ready!

thanks, clivey...

2009-03-30T10:13:00.000-07:00

i would just like to thank hgtv and the countless hours of design to sell that i have watch over the past few years. it took just 3 showings for our house to sell!

diaper deal...

2009-03-23T18:44:00.000-07:00

i found this really great deal on someone's blog and thought i needed to share with everyone!! you got 228 pampers diapers and 160 wipes for $26.40!

Diapers.com is offering free shipping on orders of $49 or more. Then you put in this code, AFF10 that gives you $10 dollars off, then go to this website: www.diapers.com/helpcenter/parenting.htm and print off the page, fill it out and send it in with your receipt to get a $14.97 rebate. I just bought one box of diapers and a huge thing of wipes. GREAT DEAL!

5 months...

2009-03-06T07:31:00.000-08:00

Lyla's 5 months and as cute as ever! As you can tell, I can't get enough pictures of this petite cutie! She can't run away from the camera like Noah, so I'm finding my camera is filling up with pictures of this doll face...and check out her hair! She's going to need a little trim soon!

little lyla...

2009-03-03T09:14:00.000-08:00

here are just some cute pictures of our little girl after her bath the other day. just thought I'd share...

magic...

2009-02-24T22:15:00.000-08:00

so, i am sure everyone has been through this...the toddler not wanting to eat, throwing his plate, breaking the unbreakable ...normal, right?! well, i have found a solution (that works this week, fingers crossed for the coming weeks!) so, noah and i are at target and they have the cutest assortment of kid's plate. i let noah go through them and pick one out. he was so cute - he would study one and then say "put back!" if it didn't pass his inspection. he found one that he wouldn't let go of...the monkey plate. i would like to thank target for making this magical plate! he has eaten every meal on this plate and asks for it all the time. it has yet to be thrown or tossed aside... we went back to target today just so i could get another one of these "magical" plates and he was very disappointed that the monkey plate was sold out...we had to settle on the monster plate...we'll see if if holds any power!

here's how the magic happens...

i load up his plate.

he eats.

all gone!

MAGIC.

big boy...

2009-02-13T11:32:00.000-08:00

noah channing marshall turned TWO on january 31, 2009!

we decided to have a very last minute party to celebrate with
friends and family and he had such a blast!

not enough time in the day...

2009-02-13T11:13:00.000-08:00

really! my memory card that holds 1000 or more pictures is almost full! I never have time to sit down and actually download them and update this. So, no insightful messages about our life at the moment - just a lot of fun and very random pictures from our crazy life this last month...

our bathing beauty-
lyla loves bathtime

funny picture...
noah has been sick this last week so in the middle of the night, I get a tap on the shoulder or a loud cough in my face to wake me up and help him into bed...this is how loren found us sleeping as loren was getting ready for school in the wee hours of the morning.

cute cousins...
this is LONG over due...brianne came to visit at christmas and of course had to take a ton of pictures with her cousins.

ohh, i here a baby crying...
to be continued...

yardwork...

2009-01-23T17:02:00.000-08:00

This past Monday, Noah decided to help Loren with the yardwork. He picked up the rocks and put them in a pile, he helped put the leaves in the trash bags, but the most important job was to make sure the leaf piles were perfect for jumping into...

noah & lyla...

2009-01-22T17:05:00.001-08:00

So, I am finally updating our blog! It has been crazy busy here! We just put our house on the market which now getting (and keeping) our house super clean and organized has taken up so much of our time. But we are almost there! A few projects left. We also started a new blog just for selling our house (1512glencairn.blogspot.com) Know of someone looking for a house? :) And just the everyday with noah and lyla is more than enough to keep us busy! They are growing so fast! Here are some recent pictures of our cuties!

'Me take her."
Noah loves to hold Lyla.

Just some cute smiles...

Noah waking up Lyla the other morning...thanks, Noah.

2008-12-23T08:58:00.000-08:00

new pics...

2008-12-23T08:50:00.001-08:00

christmas pictures...

2008-12-23T08:41:00.000-08:00

we decided to go out the other night and take christmas photos with our friends, the lowes. it was 30 degrees outside and windy. didn't phase noah and keegan a bit...

singing in the choir

noah didn't want to take a picture...

the best we could get out of him...

lyla's look-a-like...

2008-12-18T11:24:00.000-08:00

we were in kohls the other day and this lady came up to me while i was holding lyla and said "she looks just like suri cruise!" we came home and looked up a few pictures...and they could be twins. i have yet to get a picture of lyla's big smile on camera so i'll just show you what it looks like...

beautiful pics...

2008-12-03T20:28:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I have posted any pictures! These are from a few weeks ago, but I had to post them! They are so awesome! Thanks, Tori, for more great pics!

ten years today

2008-11-16T20:37:00.000-08:00

It has been ten years since my father passed away. I truly miss my father more then I have words to describe. As I grow older the pain actually gets deeper in some regards and lessens in others. I spent a lot of time with my dad.

I always will remember my mom telling me that after I was born, because of the difficultly that she had with my labor and delivery, she handed me to my dad and said, "This one is all yours." Looking back, I have felt that my dad took that to heart as I grew and continued to be difficult to my mother.

Most people that know me well, know that I have ADD/ADHD. While most frequently I wish that I was not ailed with this imbalance, I am grateful because it allowed me to spend far more time with my dad than I perhaps would have had I not had it. If Mom and Dad were going out of town, I was going too.

If I was going on a scouting trip, typically my dad would find a way to go, whether he was in the Young Men's program or not.

I also was able to be ordained as Deacon, Teacher, Priest and Elder by the hands of my worthy father. If fact I know that this picture's quality is poor, but this one was taken the day of my Elder ordination, about two months before Dad passed.

Now I am grateful during this month of Thanksgiving for the best man I know. My father is a great man who continues to live and serve God the Father and Jesus Christ on the other side of the veil. I will never forget the day that my father was taken back to the God that gave him life. Because of its sacredness to me I will not share, in this setting, the experience that I had being the only one home besides my mother on the day my father passed, but there are still tender mercies that were in abundance throughout that time.

I will say that I miss my dad so very much. Many times, like I know that others have, I have felt a strong need for the love and counsel of my father. Many times I have wished that he could be here again, to meet my wife, my son and my daughter. I know that he is present, at times, in one way or another. I know he is very aware of "his boy." But it hurts when I wish to share an experience with a man that means the world to me, and I cannot because of the thorns and thistles of this life.

As I mentioned, I know that others have these same feelings. I know that all of my siblings wish that their children's Grandpa were here to hold them, and to love and teach them. I know that there have been times when certain family members have been made aware of the presence of our father during special events. I haven't been blessed that way. Not all of us receive the same blessings. I do think of my father every time I am privileged to attend the temple, not only because of the sealing powers therein, but because I was blessed through a wonderful experience that I will never forget to be given my father's temple clothes.

I know that my father loves me with all his heart. I also know that I am a son of a perfect loving Father even God the Father, who sent His Son to be a sacrifice for us all. I am grateful for this on so many levels, but today I am most grateful for a condition of the Atonement that was taught by the Lord's prophet, Joseph Smith. He said: "All your losses will be made up to you in the resurrection, provided you continue faithful." I don't know how this works or what this even means exactly, but I believe the word of God as given through His prophets, and I have to believe that somehow, someway this pain and emptiness that I often feel because of the loss of my father will be a loss that is "made up."

One day I will be with those that I love and cherish again, no more to be separated. One day I will be able to embrace my Savior and my God and shower their feet with my tears of joy for the gospel knowledge, and for the plan of salvation. That day will be indescribable. In the same fashion, one day I will be able to hold and be held by those powerful yet loving and protective arms of my father. Then will my losses be made up. Oh how I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ, it truly is "the good news."

baby blues...

2008-11-10T11:36:00.000-08:00

lylaryan
is 6 weeks old!

old macdonald had a farm...

2008-11-06T19:15:00.001-08:00

we had a pig and duck join our family for halloween...for about 5 minutes...that's how long they lasted. noah didn't understand why we wanted to take pictures of him in this big fuzzy yellow thing...we finally got him to smile when he saw himself in the mirror. maybe next year he'll get into more. lyla didn't seem to care either way. for now, halloween costumes just are another cute picture opportunity for us to share with everyone. thanks, tracy for the fun anne geddes pig costume! it is precious!

quick update..

2008-10-22T15:04:00.000-07:00

so, it's been a little bit busier around here lately and i have been meaning to update this for awhile so here are some new pics of our precious kids!

This is not Noah's usual breakfast, but the other day, I set my cereal box to close to Noah's little hands. So, I while I was nursing Lyla, I look over just in time to see Noah fill his tray!

Noah LOVES football!!

Here are some lil' Lyla pics with her beautiful open eyes!

lyla ryan marshall

2008-10-09T13:02:00.000-07:00

lyla is one week old and is as precious as ever! i can't get over it! she is a doll and seems very content. noah is starting to point and say "sister" whenever he sees her and when she starts to fuss, he says, "shhh, shhh, shhh" over and over. recovery has been so much better this time - i feel 90% better which is a good thing having a BUSY toddler and hungry newborn! i have to learn how to do this and juggle all the housework! so, yeah, i should be napping and restoring my body (blah,blah, blah...), but who cares...i would rather show off this cutie pie!

Our Precious

2008-10-01T19:12:00.000-07:00

I haven't much time to do this entry. Sonya is awaiting my return to the hospital, but she wanted to have me get a couple of pictures on here for all to enjoy.
Lyla Ryan Marshall was born on September 30th at 9:20 am. She weighed in at 7lbs 7oz. Her length was 19.5". As you can see she is a beautiful little doll face ,as her mom would say, with lots of dark brown hair. Her eyes are dark blue right now and will most likely lighten with time, like Noah's did. Lyla and Sonya are both doing great and are very happy together. Dad and Noah are also well and are trying to help out as much as possible...Thank goodness mom (Cecily) is here to help.

7 days...

2008-09-23T11:52:00.000-07:00

one week from today, baby lyla ryan will be here...i can't believe it! it seemed to go by a lot faster than with noah and i feel like i need more time to get ready...but ready or not!

i have a couple of very talented friends here who have been getting into photography and wanted to take some maternity photos...i warned them that i am not very photogenic and really how cute can pictures of my BIG belly be at 38 weeks? they proved me wrong - they did an awesome job! here are some of the pictures that they took!

thanks, tori and amber! (i love them!)
http://kreativepix.blogspot.com/
http://www.amberleighphotography.blogspot.com/

4 years and counting...

2008-09-05T19:03:00.000-07:00

Loren and I just had our 4 year anniversary on the 4th. I can't believe that it has been that long, but at the same time, it seems much longer than that - if that makes any sense! Loren planned a night out on Tuesday (thanks, jason for babysitting) where we went to a movie, that doesn't happen a lot anymore, and had dinner at Capriano's...ummm, delicious! But it didn't compare to Loren's yummy dinner he made for me on our actual anniversary...he was so proud of his work that he had to take pictures of it! It is so nice having a husband that likes to cook and is good at it!! Thanks, Loren, for the past 4 years and many more to come... love you!

catchin' up on a busy week...

2008-09-05T18:13:00.001-07:00

seriously, i don't know where the days go! i have so many cute updates for here but i think that i might have to stick to just posting the pictures for now! (i don't know how i am going to handle having another baby!) I have 25 more days before little miss marshall (name still undecided) joins us and i have so many things to do still to get ready. oh, well. there's always tomorrow - that is my new motto!

noah turned 19 months this last week and has been as cute as ever.
here is our little man in action:

sinkbath

haircut

his hair grows so fast! he won't sit still for haircuts anymore so loren pulled out the hair clippers...it's shorter than what we wanted, but give it a few weeks, he'll have his curls again!

noah before with his sweet little curls and innocent face...

it's like he grew up in a matter of minutes.. isn't this an eat-your-heart-out kind of face?

funnyface

...and then there's noah's funny face! we stumbled across this one day when we were naming all the body parts. he still had his tongue out when i asked where his ears were... now anytime you ask where his ears are, this is the result!

noahkisses

and he has been givin' out kisses left and right...
isn't that the cutest little pucker!

always into something...

2008-08-19T11:11:00.000-07:00

so this morning, one minute noah was helping me UNfold laundry and then not even a minute later, I heard water running somewhere. after a mad dash to noah's bathroom, this is what i found...

live in the moment...

2008-08-03T15:38:00.000-07:00

This past general conference Elder M Russell Ballard's address was entitled Daughters of God. He spoke to both women and men about the family and about the roles of individuals within a family. Elder Ballard said, "I surely know that there is no role in life more essential and more eternal than that of motherhood." We are taught in the Book of Mormon the great impact that the mothers of Helaman's 2060 stripling warriors had upon them. In Alma 56:47-48 we read; "yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them. And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it."

I too do not doubt that my mother knows what she taught me to be true. And in turn I have no doubts that God will deliver me. Now it is my turn with my wife to teach our children to "walk in truth" (3rd John 1:4) One thing that we are working on with our little Copper Top is to teach him to pray. " Prayer is a form of work, and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings." (bible dictionary: prayer) We want our son and eventually children to be able to obtain "the highest of all blessings."

The first time Noah said "amen" after we had blessed dinner, the cheerleader in Sonya came out like I have never seen before. She clapped and did a little jump, or maybe more like a hop, and exclaimed cheerfully "Yes, you did it." with just about the biggest smile I have ever seen her express.

Back to Elder Ballard's talk, He quoted a woman named Anna Quindlen who wrote, "The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. . . . I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less”(Loud and Clear [2004], 10–11).

I have been trying to do this as well. And one of those moments that slows down for me and allows me to relish it a bit more than I could if I didn't consciously focus on the moment is when Noah joins us in prayer. The time it takes for us to say prayers is short with him because he doesn't understand all the words and what we are really doing, but the memory lasts long after the prayer is finished. I hope to always be able to slow the moments down that mean the most, and a prayer with my son means the world to me...

i'm stuck...

2008-08-01T15:59:00.000-07:00

okay - i need y'alls help! i can't decide between these two...this is the idea i have for the baby's room. we have a white chair rail and the lower half of the room is a chocolate brown and then i want to paint the top with an oversized graphic pattern, but can't decide if i like the light pink as the background or the taupe background! i am leaning towards the taupe and loren likes the pink - have i mentioned how excited he is to paint her room ALL pink. it is funny - he is actually more excited than i am about painting her room! so, i'm in need of opinions! this is the basic idea i have - not exactly, but what i came up with quickly in photoshop! what do you think?

sonya's self portrait

2008-08-01T11:33:00.001-07:00

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker).

The Questions:
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school/college did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Where are you from?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One of your hobbies.
12. Your flickr name.

1. I´m in Love, 2. Dessert, 3. Penguin Cactus, 4. llibreria - bookstore - Amsterdam - HDR, 5. a little rust, 6. Pina Colada, 7. I Wanna Grow Old with You, 8. mmm ice cream, 9. Eames chair & Apple, 10. Las Vegas Mormon Temple, 11. organized chaos, 12. Crow song

since sliced bread...

2008-07-28T19:24:00.000-07:00

so loren and i were discussing things we need for the new baby and we both agreed that the best baby item that we received with noah was a video monitor. we LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it so much that we are going to buy another one for the new baby so we can still use his in his room. well, we just have to buy a second camera because we can use it with the monitor we already have!
so if any of you are contemplating a video monitor, i would highly recommend it! it is so nice being able to see what noah is doing at all times when he is in his crib. we just sometimes sit and watch him sleep - you would be AMAZED at how much they move around at night and those random cries in the middle of the night, i can just look over and see what he is doing, which is usually sleeping. it definitely made the transition from our room to his own room A LOT easier!

29 weeks...

2008-07-28T19:12:00.000-07:00

i thought this was only appropriate to follow up on the last blog...a picture of my growing belly! mostly due to baby, but i can't deny that those cookies could have helped...which is why i am in my workout attire!

i really have been awful about taking pictures of my belly with this pregnancy. i had every month captured when i was pregnant with noah. i think this is the first belly picture this time around...i think about it, but just don't get around to it. so per sarah's request, here is my big belly! (excuse the disgusting, i-just-worked-out look)

expected due date will be around september 30th (scheduled c-section.) so about 10 weeks left! yeah!

shout out to tammy jean...

2008-07-20T11:57:00.000-07:00

so i had my neice, bri, over last night and wanted to make a special treat with lots of chocolate...then i remember the best cookie recipe on this planet! this is super yummy and easy to make! make your favorite chocolate chip cookies (mine still don't come close to yours, kara, but i'm trying!) and right when you take them out of the oven, place a reese's cup right in the middle...the result is crazy delicious!
try it. try it TODAY!

thanks, tj, for introducing this to me... and the many pounds to gain from it!

girl's night out...

2008-07-14T18:55:00.000-07:00

"Oh yes it 's ladies night

And the feelings right
Oh yes, it's ladies night
Oh what a night..."

we left the husbands and children at home and had a night on the town! these are some of the awesome friends i have made here in texas - our common bond - parker students' wives. i wish i had taken more pictures. we went to west village in dallas and did some window shopping, rode the historic m-line trolley, and dined (with actual grown-up conversation not interrupted by babies) at a fantastic restaurant called bread winners. those with some energy left, even braved the dollar movie for the last showing of "what happens in vegas."so much fun hanging out with these girls!

Rainy Days

2008-07-08T18:18:00.000-07:00

So I got home and Sonya showed me the post of her and Noah spending their hot Texas days by the pool. One thing that they say about Texas is "if you don't like the weather, then wait ten minutes." That seems to ring true. So while Sonya and Noah cooled off by the pool in the morning, Noah and I cooled off in the rain in the evening.

playin' at the water park...

2008-07-08T11:07:00.000-07:00

what's the best thing to do on a
hot, summer day in texas...

chill at the pool,

girl watch,

run around like a madman,

and look for planes!